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Is mental “illness” actually the brain trying to protect itself?

Up until about a year ago, I still sat firmly in the camp that, while I viewed myself as multiply neurodivergent, I was mentally ill. Over the past year I have been unlearning this lesson, and realising that mental “illness” is completely unquantifiable, and instead, I was suffering because I had been repeatedly traumatised, and then lived in a world incapable of accommodating the particular neurodivergence I had acquired. Psychosis.

People hold on tightly to the idea that they are mentally “ill”, and understandably so. The deficit model of mental health has been pushed on us quite successfully, but what if it’s not the person who is ill?

Consider depression. A person experiences a traumatic event (remember, what is traumatic to me, might not be traumatic for you) and starts to feel as though nothing goes well for them. They withdraw from their environment and isolate. Is this an illness, or is this the human brain doing it’s best to protect itself from trauma?

Now consider that the cultures with live with, particular in western society, actively punish people who have experienced trauma. There is a lack of welfare benefits, inadequate and under resourced wellbeing services, and let’s not forget that humans are effectively judged by whether or not they make the right amount of profit while performing a neurotypical display so as to not make others uncomfortable.

To me it seems clear where the suffering is actually stemming from, and it isn’t the person.

However, let me be clear, this does not mean that people should stop taking their medication. I take medication, and it helps a lot. Attention Hyperactive people take meds to help them focus and perform daily tasks.

What I am saying is that while medication can be an important part of wellbeing, we need to recognise that this pathologisation of our human experiences has (for the most part) normalised our suffering.

In the same way that Christianity told factory workers during the industrial revolution that being in poverty guaranteed them riches in the afterlife; pathologising neurodiversity has told us that we are the broken, rather than letting us turn the lense on an oppressive world.

Sadly, many institutions (medical included) have a tendency to serve the overall economic climate, rather than the people they are supposed to help.

So where do we go from here?

We need to build on the neurodiversity movement and paradigm. We need to recognise that despite our suffering, we are not the sick ones. What is sick, is the society we live in. When enough of us stand up and say no, society is forced to change. We need to recognise the rampant oppression and abuse of power, and seriously consider it’s role in the development of so called psychiatric “disorders”.

In short, brains do what they can to try and protect us from suffering, sadly, society continues to inflict pain.

It’s time to drop the disorder.

Coping with psychiatric medication when Autistic

For many of us, medication is a necessary part of life. For a huge portion of the Autistic population, that medication is prescribed by a psychiatrist.

Psychiatric medication can be a troublesome topic, psychiatry itself is a relatively young discipline, and can often be found to be neuronormative in nature. It relies on the idea that the human mind can become ill and require medicine to fix it, and yet no test can definitively prove the presence of this illness in the body. It seems logically absurd, and yet, mental health issues can cause immense suffering.

One of the most stressful parts of taking these kinds of medications is finding the right one. Each person brings a different neurology to the table, so when using psychiatric medications, which by their nature act on the brain, it is important to remember that there is no “one size fits all” approach. Each person will have a different experience with medication, and this issue is compounded when you consider the Autistic population, for whom little to know research is done on the efficacy and safety of medications.

This moves us neatly onto my next point, which is side effects. Autistic people often experience rare or paradoxical reactions to medications in my experience. A recent medication change for me actually turned the skin on my hands blue! This is why I always ask my psychiatrist to take the harm reduction approach of start low, go slow. In other words, start with the lowest reasonable dose, and very slowly titrate the dose up. I find that for me, this has helped me avoid many of the less tolerable side effects, and better tolerate the ones that I do get.

An interesting point raised by twitter user @lilririah is access to food. Many of these medications rely on the idea that people can eat regular, healthy meals. Something that prescribers should consider is that the world over is experiencing a huge rise in the cost of living which is having a huge impact on the disabled community at large. Telling someone they have to eat when they take their medicine can essentially be the same as telling people that they can not take the medicine. When the world is trying to decide between heating or eating, a life or death decision over important medications is not going to help their anxiety.

Once you have overcome all of this, there is the issue of maintaining the treatment. Medication comes with a lot of stigma that many of us internalise, and some people simply do not want the medication in the first place. While personal choice is important, and should come from an informed position, prescribers need to do more to help people maintain a healthy relationship with their medication. When you consider the Autistic and ADHD bodymind, it is easy to see how remembering to take a set dose at the same time every day could become problematic.

Assuming all of this isn’t an issue, there is one more problem I want to discuss. Sometimes medication just stops working. Sometimes we can be stable for years, and out of the blue, we fall apart. It is the unfortunate truth of psychiatric medication. This is why we have to be willing to go over this battle time and time again to stay balanced. I personally struggle with this part. I often wish for a magic pill that would make my psychosis go away forever, unfortunately, that does not exist. Besides, mental health is part of who we are, good or bad, it plays a role in our experience of the world.

Whether your mental health is in a good or bad place, we all have something to give to the world, we are all important in our own way. It’s easy to lose sight of that when you have grown up Autistic, constantly being invalidated and told that everything about you is wrong. I want to assure you that the world is better for having you in it, and the battle is worth it.

Stay strong.

Autistically medicated: the journey to find what works

My name is David, and I have to take a ton of medication to stay healthy.

It’s taken years to find the balance, and recently, one of the main medications has had to be changed.

Currently I am taking aripiprazole, paliperidone, mirtazapine, trazodone, promethazine and propranolol for my mental health (although the paliperidone will soon be discontinued, and the aripiprazole dose increased).

I also take procyclidine and rosuvastatin for the side effects of my medications.

I’m autistic and have complex mental health conditions. I’m stable, but it’s taken a long journey through various medications and talking therapies to get here. My autistic brain is sensitive to changes, so I have endured a lot of side effects.

Why did I endure it?

I wanted to get better.

I realised that if I wanted to feel better and be better, I had to listen to what the experts were telling me. There has been a lot of trial and error, but I am now in a place where, even though difficult things are still happening due to outside forces, I am happy.

I have walked away from people who shame me for taking meds. I don’t need them in my life. For some of us, medication is a prerequisite of life. Finding that balance however, can be a nightmare.

My autistic brain doesn’t react typically to anything, and there is little to no research on many of these medications in autistic people. For this reason, it’s taken me over a decade to get to where I am.

My psychiatrist deserves a bloody Nobel prize. He has worked in the dark to make me well again. What we have achieved together is nothing short of a miracle.

My advice for anyone struggling with mental health is to work with your doctor. Use their expertise. Discuss how it makes you feel. It’s tricky, but you have to give a certain level of trust.

Medication is a lifeline that everyone should have access to, and I will never allow people to be shamed for it on my platforms.

We need to work together to destroy the stigma surrounding medication.

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