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How CAMHS put my life at risk and then discharged me

Being an Autistic teenager is hard. My life was no exception to this rule. After years of trauma and loss, I was at breaking point. Then, one day, my mother came to hurry me up with getting ready for school. What she found was not the resilient and hardworking son she was always so proud of. No, what she found was the husk of her child. Unable to speak or do anything but rock back and forth while sobbing. This is a story about CAMHS.

I was 15 years old, and for the next three months, I would barely be able to leave the house. Let alone attend school.

It transpired that the person who would be the most helpful was a paediatric doctor. I wasn’t seeing him for my mental health. I was seeing him for bowel and stomach related issues. He became deeply concerned with my suicidal ideation and stress levels, and wrote to both my school and my GP to insist I have a referral to Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS) made.

The truth is that at 15 years old, I didn’t see any point to my life. It felt as though suffering were all I was destined for, and I would be better off leaving this world, taking with me the burdensome weight of my pain. I waited only a few weeks for an appointment to be made with a CAMHS psychiatrist.

I have always communicated best through written word and art. So, naturally, I took with me to the appointment writing and drawings that contained some of the darkest machinations of my suffering. If there was a chance for help, I wanted them to see how deep my pain ran. I wanted them to know the truth so they could best support me.

The psychiatrist was not interested. She did not want to see me writing or drawing. She didn’t care for the vulnerability I was laying before her in order to communicate my needs. I felt invalidated and small. Powerless. In her words, I was euthymic (meaning of good mood) and a school refused. She acknowledged that I was depressed but made it clear that if I did not want to take medication, I would be discharged.

The appointment lasted five minutes. I was discharged and labelled a school refused. My mother would go on to be threatened with legal action and fines. I went on to become a young adult, heavily addicted to drugs and alcohol, Schizophrenic, and deeply suicidal. I would not have my formal identification of autism until 6 months after I got sober.

CAMHS showed me then, even in 2005, that they didn’t care about children like me. At the time I thought I was just unlucky, but my time in the Autistic community has show me I am one of tens of thousands of Autistic children who have been failed by this service at some of the most crucial times in our lives.

That is why I am part of the ongoing campaign to hold CAMHS to account. Lives have been lost, and I am lucky mine wasn’t one of them. How can we make a better future for our children when services like CAMHS allow them to grow into adults for whom suffering is an everyday part of their lives?

I will not allow this to continue, and neither should you. We owe this to our children, and all children yet to come.

Please sign the CAMHS petition here

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BBC’s ADHD private diagnosis scandal is the perfect example of irresponsible reporting

By now, you’re probably aware that the BBC is positioning itself as a whistle-blower in a scandal regarding the misdiagnosis of ADHD by private psychiatrists. While I am reticent to say that it doesn’t happen (of course it does, humans are awfully inexact creatures and psychiatry barely qualifies as a science), there are wider ramifications for this article that could go on to cause a great deal more harm than those at the centre of it can realise.

Service wait times for adult ADHD assessments are at an all-time high. Despite an NHS Constitution that states patients have right to access treatment within 18 weeks of a GP referral, some people are waiting in excess of 13 months. It isn’t surprising then that of the estimates over 1 million ADHD’ers in the UK, less than 10% are diagnosed (see link above).

All of this creates a tricky choice for those with the privilege of being able to access private assessment; continue to struggle unsupported, or pay to get your diagnosis privately.

Let’s step back for a moment and consider some issues that are pervasive across both NHS and private services. Psychiatry doesn’t just uphold the medical model of disability, they played a big role in creating it. The neurodiversity movement stands diametrically opposed to this pathologising of our existence. You won’t find neurodiversity affirmation all that common in any area of psychiatry, let alone cultural competence.

So, now we have an environment in which people are so desperate to get support that they will be willing to part with hundreds or even thousands of pounds fkr the privilege of being boxed into a pathological worldview in order to access said support.

Did I mention there isn’t really much support for ADHD beyond maybe getting ADHD medication?

Quite frankly, the diagnostic process is a nightmare. Very few professionals have a good grasp on neurodivergent experience and culture, and their diagnostic criteria are often restrictive and biased. The problem is not that diagnosis is too easy to obtain. If anything, it should be easier.

So when I see articles like the one the BBC has published, it turns my stomach to think of the effect it might have on an already broken system. Responsible reporters would not publish a piece like this in the manner that they have. What people will take away from it is that private ADHD diagnosis is a scam. It will justify the invalidation of many people’s diagnosis while simultaneously trapping those seeking diagnosis; should we choose between NHS waiting times and misdiagnosis or pay for a diagnosis that we might not receive and that no one will take seriously?

The deeper part of the problem is that people die because they don’t have the right diagnosis. If the BBC wanted to report on a diagnostic scandal, they could have chosen the complete lack of competency and up-to-date knowledge in those denying people diagnoses based on outdated stereotypes. Instead, they have risked erasing people.

With all of the pressures that exist for undiagnosed neurodivergent people, we should be helping them access support, not taking a blow torch to the already very thin ice they are standing on.

Neuroqueer: Depathologising psychiatric “conditions”

This article was co-authored by David Gray-Hammond and Katie Munday

Trigger Warning: Ableism, pathology paradigm, sanism, use of words insane and madness, medication, therapy and trauma.

Neuroqueer theory evolved out of the neurodiversity paradigm. It was a logical progression in the field of depathologising natural variations in the human bodymind. This concept appreciates the neutrality of neurodivergence, as neither good or bad, it simply is.

While this concept has been widely explored in the area of intrinsic neurodivergence, (such as autism and ADHD), there is less discussion regarding acquired neurodivergence; neurodivergence that is typically acquired through trauma or the intentional alteration of ones bodymind (such as through the use of psychedelic drugs). Specifically, we wish to discuss the concept of psychiatric “conditions”.

Psychiatry itself is one of the youngest branches of medicine, first mentioned by name in the late 19th century. Due to its infancy the field still remains fallible, and is largely governed by the contents of a single textbook; the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) currently on its fifth edition, and the recipient of a recent text-revision (DSM V-TR). Unsurprisingly, this textbook is based entirely in the pathology paradigm, with all bodyminds described in its pages as “disorders”.

The use of the word “disorder” is important. This word places a level of responsibility on the individual to return to a more “ordered” state, dictated by cultural norms. This has historically been achieved through the use of psychoactive drugs, which are often prescribed before the use of talking therapies.

Psychiatry has a place in the world, but currently relies too heavily on the use of medication, without understanding the context around individuals. This is why it is important for psychiatrists to take a more trauma-informed, neurodiversity-affirming approach. There is a balance to be found between the use of medication, and the introduction of talking therapies that encourage the individual to co-exist with the traits of their neurodivergence.

It is important to understand and work with people holistically to reduce their distress, as many of us are seeking support due to ongoing trauma.

We are living in a world that overwhelms our senses, ignores our social communication differences, and treats us as second class citizens. Autistic people are made to adapt to norms that are both uncomfortable and harmful, and this creates complex-trauma for an increasing number of us. Once we experience bullying, isolation, and neglect, our self-worth takes a nose-dive. Often we mask our Autistic differences for fear of ridicule, perpetuating the low self-esteem that arises from forced conformity and assimilation. This becomes a cycle of shame that encourages us to hide our true selves, in return for a semblance of dignity.

So where does neuroqueer theory fit into this?

Cultural expectations of mental health are based heavily in sanist ideas of “normal”, and define our understanding of “madness” as anything that departs from these expectations.

Taking a neuroqueer approach allows us to embrace our differences, whilst appreciating that many of us still need accommodations. This is why emerging talking therapies that teach co-existence (rather than interventions that aim to change us) are an important step forward.

Subverting the expectations of our societies predominant culture, we reclaim ourselves, and learn to co-exist with our “psychiatric” self. No longer are we “insane” by normative standards, but neurologically queer, and refusing to be ashamed of that.

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