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Jun 1 2023
Being sober isn’t a competition

Today, I received my first 1 star review for one of my books on Amazon. Within the review, they stated that my 6 years of sobriety (it’s actually 7 now) was merely a blip, and that I would not be sober until it was at least 60 years. Attitudes like this are incredibly dangerous.

Early sobriety is complicated and messy. At times you are clinging on for hours or even minutes at a time. Setting yourself goals and hoping that you can stumble painfully across the finish line. For me, those early days were spent in a psychiatric ward. One might think that’s a safe place for someone getting sober, but trust me, there isn’t a lot that doesn’t make it’s way past security checks in those places.

Drugs and alcohol were readily available.

I remember celebrating one year of sobriety. A friend and I went to London and saw Lindsay Stirling perform live. It was a huge moment in my life, I had managed to go 365 days without getting drunk or high. Had someone like the aforementioned amazon reviewer spoken to me then, they way they have today, it wouldn’t have gone well.

When someone is getting sober, they need support. It’s likely they have done things they are not proud of, they probably wish that life could be as simple as switching of their emotions with a drink or a pill. Invalidate a person at the wrong time and they might just throw it away.

When you’re a sober addict, you live with the knowledge that your brain will find any excuse to go running back to its addiction. It doesn’t just go away. Anyone claiming it does is lying to you. Telling someone they’re not sober enough is gambling their life. This doesn’t just apply to length of time as a sober person, I have seen people be told they can’t be sober because of medicine they take or the way they have separated themselves from the harms of addiction.

Quite frankly, if you are sober, I don’t care how you do it, I don’t care how long you’ve been doing it; I’m proud of you. Even if sobriety has been an on and off affair; I’m proud of you. Perhaps you’re just thinking about it but haven’t quite started; doesn’t matter, I’m proud of you.

Every time a person makes the decision to heal themselves, the world becomes brighter. We are the cycle breakers. We are the one’s who stand proud and say “this suffering ends here, I choose to live”.

So, people like my Amazon reviewer can take their crappy opinions and keep them to themselves. I am proud of everyone fighting this battle.

David Gray-Hammond 1 Comments
Apr 7 2023
The nature of sobriety

Today marked seven years of total sobriety for me. For seven years, I have been drug and alcohol free. While abstinence is not suitable for everyone, I decided, on April 7th, 2016, that the consumption of mind-altering substances was not safe for me.

I will say I have never approached it through the guise of eternity. “Never say never”, as the saying goes. Instead, I have woken up each day with a commitment to remain sober for that one day. During the challenging times, I have committed to hours and minutes. Whichever way I approached it, I have accumulated almost ¾ of a decade.

Addiction is peculiar. So many think that the focus of the addiction is the issue. We are easily fooled into believing that stopping behaviours such as drug use solves the issue. I lament the fact that it is not so simple. The addicted bodymind is more complex than compulsive behaviours.

I am an addict. I hate drugs and what they do to me, but I adore the feeling of being high. The ability to enter oblivion through a pill or a line is an all too attractive concept to me. Even now, closer to ten years sober than to zero, I find my mind craving it. It’s insidious. Little thoughts of the ways I could get away with it. The ways I could covertly enjoy the feeling of not existing.

I am happy with my sober life. I would not trade the life I have now for something so meagre as drug induced euphoria. That doesn’t mean that living in my Autistic, ADHD, and Schizophrenic mind without switching off for years has been easy. At times, I have been exhausted. An exhaustion I can’t put into words.

I am committed each day to just one more day of sobriety. Because each subsequent day of sober existence brings with it the truth of existence;

Life is a gift. It is meant to be used and spent. The bitter and painful lows only make the highs even more beautiful. Every time I survive a new challenge while maintaining my sobriety, I am able to enjoy the good in life in a vividly high definition.

Sobriety to me is a matter of life or death, and I, for one, choose life.

David Gray-Hammond 1 Comments
Apr 7 2021
5 lessons I have learned in 5 years of sobriety

Today (7th April 2021) I have been sober from drug and alcohol addiction for five years. In that time I have faced many challenges and learnt many lessons. In this piece, I hope to share some of those lessons with you.

1. Not everything will be perfect once you get sober.

Addiction is am absolute monster of a battle, but the battles don’t stop eith sobriety. Life is full of ups and downs, and you will need to learn to cope with the downs without returning to your addiction. Life will always throw curve balls.

2. Addiction will try and catch you out.

Sometimes addiction will feel like a living entity in your brain. Good or bad times, there will be moments when your mind will try and convince you that “just one drink will be okay”, or “maybe I can just have a few tokes of that spliff”.

Your brain is lying to you. It never stops with just the one. The addicted mind seeks to destroy itself, don’t let it.

3. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Everyone, addict or not, needs help from time to time. It’s important that you get to grips with who you are, and learn to advocate for and communicate your needs. Communication is key in recovery.

4. Socialising can be just as fulfilling without drugs and alcohol.

One of the greatest joys of my life was learning to enjoy the company of others without using mind altering substances. The realisation that I could mess around with my friends and have a laugh, whilst also remaining sober has really set me free.

5. Mindfulness is your friend.

This one, the last one, is really important. Learn to sit with your emotions. Observe them, and let them pass. Nothing lasts forever, even the deepest of distress. When used in conjuction with lesson 3, it makes sobriety a whole lot easier. Remember that mindfulness takes practice, and you have to practice in the good times, so that in the bad times you are ready to use it.

And that’s it. Five lessons I have learnt in five years of sobriety. Never forget the power of community for finding recovery, reach out and use every tool in the toolbox. Five years ago I was nearly dead. I hope that my existence now proves just how possible it is to return from the brink.

Thank you all for your support.

David Gray-Hammond 0 Comments
Feb 12 2021
Emotional Sobriety: the crux of recovery

The journey through recovery takes several important steps. First you must stop engaging with your addiction, in my case, stop using drink and drugs. Next you must learn to live without your addictions. Then, you need to create a life where it is easier not to go back to your addictions.

There is, however, another step. In order to maintain your recovery, you must obtain “emotional sobriety”.

This is probably the hardest part of the recovery journey. It requires you to shine a light into the darkest recesses of your life, and bring those parts of you to a place of peace.

Peace doesn’t mean that things will always be great. Recovery comes with all the ups and downs of life in general. No, peace means an ability to engage with our emotions in a healthy way.

The reason it’s so hard to attain emotional sobriety is because in order to do so, one must learn to live with the scars of past traumas and to weather out your triggers.

Truth be told, I’m not entirely there yet, but it is something I am working on everyday.

When we have emotional sobriety, we learn to react to our triggers in healthy ways. We learn to express our emotions from a place of love and patience. We approach others from a place of kindness.

Without this mindset, there is an increased risk that we will find ourselves bogged down in resentment. As any recovering addict will tell you, resentment is poison to the mind.

Reaching this place requires a lot of hard work. I started by having extensive trauma therapy to come to terms with the things that have happened in my life. I had to unlearn the lessons that taught me to approach others from a place of judgement.

The greatest lesson I learned, was to sit with my emotions, and choose not to react immediately. Sometimes we need time and space from even ourselves in order to respond in a healthy manner.

This step of recovery can take years to perfect. I have met people decades into recovery who still struggle with the concept. It is important to give ourselves the time, love, and self-acceptance that we need in order to reach that place.

Practise a peaceful life. I promise you won’t regret it, and I promise that you are worth it.

David Gray-Hammond 0 Comments
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